Leave me Alone!

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

I really really like Fruitcake. However, he's far far away and I can't deal with that. I told him yesterday that he is a perpetuator. He keeps texting me... He is enabling my liking of him. I hate it. What does he expect when he visits!? I'm not spontaneous!!!! If i do anything it'll probably ruin my life... I'd think about it/ be confused for months afterwords.

SIGH.

I compensate by being really mean to him. I keep it funny though so he won't actually hate me. I hate him.

Glee

I love this show. It's so good!

Also. I'm avoiding my phone for like 2 hrs.

hey

I'm an attention whore. Fruitcake gives me attention. i'm LOVED

Bacteriology

I HATE the professor for this class.
I got an A in Microbiology at a pharmacy school. Bacteriology is complete bullshit.

This professor uses the white board and an overhead projector as her presentation tools. Nothing is posted online. This class belongs in the 1980s (so does the prof).

Meanwhile, I should be studying for genetics. <3 it!!!

Train

I said that the only thing I liked about California was the Red Hot Chili Peppers. False. I also love Train.

Things I Meant to Rant About

There are a few things I REALLY need to bitch about for the next couple minutes.

1) Virginia: WTF Virginia!?!?!?! I was FINALLY coming to terms with this state. I have lived here for 10 years. When we moved in, even 10 year old me was like -.-'' we're in the boonies. I hate it. This state was like... the heart of the confederacy.
I've ALWAYS been an East Coast girl. The only thing I like about California is the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I do LOVE that band.

Anyways. Virginia declared this month(?) or last month (i've been meaning to rant about this for a really really long time) "Confederate History Month." SERIOUSLY?! I have NEVER been more embarrassed of where I live.

I live in northern VA - NoVa :D. The high school I went to is like a block away from Georgetown University. There is NO reason our state leadership should be this flawed. Political party doesn't even matter!

FIX YOURSELVES!

2) Rob: I forgot to mention him under "boys of interest" yesterday... Which should already tell you something. Rob is quite a bit older. He has an MD, Pharm.D and is now going to law school cause he decided he wants to be a patent lawyer. He's 26... Yeah. He went to an accelerated program for MD/Pharm. D degrees.
He is really sweet AND hot! At first we were just dating, not even exclusively. That's what he told me. Then he visited me at college a couple times (twice). I met his friends on St. Patrick's Day. He's actually not dating anyone else.

I'm REALLY awkward. I figured out he wasn't dating anyone else in a convo that went something like this, via text.

him: how many guys have you dated?
me: lol. how many girls have you kissed?
him: -.-''
me: hahhah yeah. well. I hope you aren't making out with everything that moves. I don't want the herp.
him: I'm actually hoping you're not hooking up with other people anymore. cause i'm not.

I hung out with him one more time after this. We went to a club with his friends. They are all SO nice and sweet and smart. It gives me hope for the future of Fruitcake and Matt.

He's always really respectful too.

He was asking why he hasn't met my friends when I realized things were getting too serious.
I'm 20. right?!

I stopped replying to texts (using finals as an excuse/ reason) and he texted me something like "when are your finals over? I miss you."
I replied "I don't see how this is going to work. I'm sorry."

It can't really be considered breaking up via text because it wasn't even a relationship! I feel really really bad though. and stupid. He didn't reply. I don't deserve someone like Rob. He's going to end up with a gorgeous I-was-a-model-to-pay-for-med-school/ i-saved-the-world type of woman.

I'll probably end up with Fruitcake. We'll probably be swingers.

MY FLOORMATE JUST LEFT ME!

Sighhhhhhhh. It's the end of the semester. I still have a couple more finals but my roomie is now GONE. Sad. Silly poli-sci majors...

She was my Lost/ Glee buddy. Idk what I'm supposed to do tonight. Talking to people online while watching either/or is so frustrating! I miss her already :(

I have my genetics final on Thursday and Animal Physiology on Wednesday next week. Ecology is either Tues. or Thurs. next week. I should study. But let's face it. I'm SO much better at procrastinating.

It is too hot here. I can't deal with it. It's already 90 degrees. I don't know how I'm going to deal with being here this summer. I'm gonna take a few classes. They start on the 25th or something like that.

That's actually all for now.

I mean. I actually didn't do much today. I woke up at 6AM to study for my Ecology test today. Drove to the test- freaked out for like a good 10 minutes when I looked in the room and saw that my professor wasn't proctoring. I thought I was in the wrong classroom or something. That's what I get for not going to class as often as I should. I think I did well. Then I got back and tried to nap but couldn't.

I watched 2 episodes of Wife Swap. Where do they find these families?!?! One of them was about a Bayou family (like.. legit alligator eating, frogging, literal mudslinging) and a family of ballet dancers. The woman from the Bayou family was SO sexist. She said something about how she was more of a man than the ballet dad. Just because you're not attracted to that kind of guy doesn't mean he's less of a man and just because you're running around after your 3 boys picking up after them doesn't mean that's a woman's place. Crazy woman.
But seriously. who doesn't want a man who can dance?! (minus the leo.. but STILL)

Then I did like 10 problems of the 50 I have to do for Genetics. I love that class.
160 years... how long Genetics has existed
10 years... how long it took to map the human genome
30 minutes... how long it took me to learn how to map, order and tell the distance between 3 linked genes
<3 so. much. potential. in this field.

That's all though. Now I'm sitting here. Chillin. I've had like 3 popsicles today... Need to invest in like 100 more.

So Anyway

Right. So now I'm going to get to the things that matter/ the things that most people blog about.

Family, Friends, Boy(s) of Interest, Weekends ;), School and Philosophy/ Religion (?)

Family:

My family is basically amazing. My parents are just hitting their 50s and my brother is 4 years and a couple days older than me (24). My parents are originally from Calcutta, India- making me Bengali/ Indian. I was born in Kansas and have lived in the US my whole life, making me an Indian American :). (Not an American Indian =P)

My parents both have Ph.Ds and my brother is a biomedical engineer. Clearly we're a science driven family. I LOVE it.

Yea we fight like any other family - I recently got a call from my brother.

Him: Did you take my Om Shanti Om dvd?
Me: yes.
Him: did you ask to take it?
me: no...
him: do you realize the problem with that?
me: so, how are you doing?!
him: the problem with that is that you've lost so many of my dvd's that now i think you should write down which ones you take. okay?
me: okay.
him: how is everything?
blah blah blah

I'm jk. That's not even a fight. Regardless, we hurt each other sometimes but really that's only cause we care.

Friends:

I have a lot of friends that don't like each other... More on that tomorrow..

Boy(s) of Interest:

Currently that heading should be "boys"

Let's call one Matt and the other Fruitcake.

Matt: Matt is about 6 months younger which makes him a year in school younger. NOT OKAY WITH THAT. Also. He doesn't really return texts. We don't go to the same college but whenever I'm about to go on a break he ends up calling or texting something like "we should hang out!" or "when are you home?" This is NOT a picnic. Idiot.

We hang out a lot when I'm home. Since we don't have very many mutual friends it's usually just me and him. He pays for my food at restaurants. He took me to a football game. I don't even know. I think he appreciates my company but assumes he's friend-zoned. I don't usually let my guy friends pay for my food. He insisted!! Either he's just a social fail or he's only interested in having a fling.
I date. I do not do flings...

Fruitcake: AWOFH;JNCJOWIWEIFAASDK I hate this guy. I hate myself for liking him. I'm convinced he's actually my soul mate though. He goes to the college that I transferred from. Apparently he has said that if I still went there then he would have dated me. I HATE him. Really!??!?! Why would you tell MY friends that?! That's just CONFUSING as hell. I'm not about to do the long distance thing.

However... He's visiting this summer... qwfaskjfajiwjijiaijweaji. fml.

This Weekend:

Well. This weekend I went to a 21st Birthday Party at which all 3 guys who showed up were MADLY in lust with one of my friends. It was actually really awkward. We walked to another house for like 5 minutes and all three of them came rushing out looking for her. Specifically just for her.... Not the like.. 3 other people I had taken with me.
I was sad. I mean... of course she's gorgeous (I'm not friends with uglies). I just need attention when I'm drunk. It's not like I would've let anything happen. I just appreciate being appreciated.

School:

It's Finals Week. Thus the obsession with blogging... It's good stress relief.

Philosophy/ Religion:

I was raised Hindu. Honestly, I agree with the philosophy of the religion as a whole. My dad told me a story when I was little.

Once there was a frog in a well. The frog was so pleased with his place that he bragged to a frog who was passing by. "Look at how far I can jump!" he said to the stranger as he jumped from side to side. The stranger laughed at the contained frog, knowing that he would never be able to get out of the deep well.

I don't really get it either. The point was. I believe that all gods are one and that "God" is essentially the good in everything. I don't believe in fate or praying everyday. I believe in a more subtle and constant gratefulness.

In Which I Elaborate on Said "Life"

If I wrote a book would you read it? I think a lot of people I know would read it just to tell me they could do better. True for some of them, but the rest are just bitches. I write. It is what I have always wanted to succeed at. Is it what I majored in? No. I majored in Biology. Being a doctor is what I have always wanted to want. The sheer and sincere dedication that goes into helping other people when their own loved ones are helpless to do what you can… It’s humanity at its finest.

People think I judge others on what their majors are. It isn’t true. I really don’t. I know that the stereotype that political science is a bull shit major is thriving but I have never believed it. I just believe that you need to be good at what you do. Yes. You have to enjoy it, but that’s only half the battle. This is for the stuff that you’re actually going to be doing in the future though. Like. If you’re going to get a job after your bachelor’s degree, I really think you NEED to be good at what you majored in. You may think I’m stating the obvious. But let’s be serious. There are kids EVERYWHERE who think they’re the shit cause no one has told them otherwise. I’m not even talking grades. If you’re going to be a political science major- you have to be eloquent, up to date, and a people person. That average person I-read-a-blog-once-and-watched-the-daily-show crap isn’t going to work in the real world if you’re bringing that kind of degree to the table. Grades don’t matter at all if that is who you are.

I would’ve been an English major if I was excellent at it and dedicated enough to write all the time. I’m not. I tried to start a journal early this year. I was going to write in it every time I had a Red Bull. The issue with that was that I only got Red Bull when I had exams coming up. Screw promises you made to yourself at that point. Prioritize things that matter, don’t let the rest get in the way…

What I am excellent at, and what I want to dedicate myself to is becoming a doctor. I am that kind of person. I am sincere, honest, caring and rational. Rational enough to know that if you are reading this after looking at my transcript then you’re probably just bored or wondering how I had the audacity to apply. Truth is, I am not full of myself. I know that I could have done better these four years of college and been one of those 4.0s that you put in the other pile. I am not saying that they aren’t sincere, honest, caring and rational. I am saying that what a lot of them want is acceptance into medical school. I want to be a doctor.

When I first came to college I was eight hours away from home. The longest I’d ever been without my parents was maybe 5 days. My brother had just moved home after attaining his bachelor’s in engineering with a secure job. I didn’t feel bad leaving my parents so far away. My mother called nightly. One day to let me know that she had cancer and was very sick.

I applied to transfer to VCU immediately trying to keep an eye on my grades- but they were already slipping. Being closer to home just meant that I would be home (and miss class and tests) more frequently. I cannot regret that. I do regret that what you see on paper is someone who is not ready to go to medical school. I am not that person. I want more than anything to keep up with my class and go to medical school Fall 2011. Medical school will not be a repeat of my first four years college. I know how I learn and I know how to apply myself to attain this degree. I truly believe that given this opportunity I will be able to prove that. I would be good at this.

In Which I Explain My Life via a Draft of a Personal Essay to Medical School

I have been writing this paper for years in my head. I had so many hooks I could have chosen from to start it... I could write a novel about how much I want to be a doctor. Instead I’m going to write about why I deserve it.

I have dreamed of becoming a doctor my entire life. Yet, three years ago when a cute boy asked me why I wanted to be pre-med major, I replied “I don’t know how to answer that.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth I regretted it. In that moment I decided that I wasn’t ready. I was afraid of failure. Concentrating on pre-med meant that I would have to face the rigorous challenges of medical school admissions. I read countless admissions board requirements. I researched admissions and I gave up on my goal.

The month after, I decided to enroll in the 6-year Doctor of Pharmacy program at Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences (ACPHS). I spent two years there, living my Plan B. I was not happy. I was not healthy. I was not myself and Albany was not where I was meant to be. ACPHS is full of people who are passionate about and dedicated to becoming pharmacists. My lab partner was a thirty-something accountant who had come back to college to finally work at a job he could be happy with. It hit me that I was settling when I had the opportunity to do otherwise.

I transferred to Virginia Commonwealth University to pursue pre-medicine. My first semester here was not my brightest moment. Now there was no backdrop of a Doctor of Pharmacy degree. After next year I will graduate with a Bachelor’s in Biology. Many of the people I knew in Albany enrolled in the 6 year program after majoring in Biology. I want to be a Doctor of Medicine. Despite my GPA, I know I can do this if given the opportunity.

I hate the immaturity with which I decided to give up on my dream before even getting to college. Three years later I find myself determined to get into medical school. I am here now. I am all here. This is what I have to offer. I pledge to try harder through my 6^th, 7^th, and 8^th semesters. I pledge to get at least 8’s on each of the MCAT sections. I know that is not enough.

I have done volunteer work in my community since 8^th grade. I began volunteering at Reston Hospital as soon as I turned 16. I have done everything from volunteer at the emergency desk to deliver flowers and mail. I have interned at the Lombardi Cancer Center of Georgetown University in a lab where I learned techniques such as cell culture, ELISA, gel electrophoresis, etc. I have worked on research with the Division of Antiviral Products in the Center of Drug Evaluation and Research (a branch of the Food and Drug Administration). I have donated money and time to fundraisers for Katrina victims, victims of the Tsunami in Southeast Asia, and the victims of the earthquake in Haiti. I have been on teams for Relay for Life for three years. I have been in and organized cultural performances in college and at home.

I am the happiest when helping others. I am confronting my fear, which was only ever being told that I can’t do what I have always wanted to. Now I know that neither you, nor any admissions committee can tell me that I wouldn’t be a great doctor. I know I would be. You cannot deny me the right to follow my dream. If I don’t get in I’ll retake some classes and try again.

In the end I think we can both acknowledge that GPA does not determine potential. For some it may determine how hard they’ve worked to get to their dream. For me it is more like a battle scar. How hard I’ve worked to get to where I am now cannot be written on paper (no matter how hard I try). I know that if I am given the opportunity to attend medical school, I will never take it for granted. I will be my best in every class and in everything else. Being in medical school will show me the gravity of what it feels like to be close to everything I have ever wanted.

My undergraduate work focuses on learning about myself. I know who I am. I think that in itself is priceless and is probably the only thing I wouldn’t give up for a high GPA. I have learned from my mistakes and immaturity. I deserve this opportunity because I know that I have the integrity, perseverance and confidence needed to be a doctor. I can only ask that you see past my transcript to give me a chance to prove it.

Thank you for your time and consideration.